Wednesday, 30 April 2003. The only thing that will ensure a productive month is my ability to get up [during] the morning [hours]. I don’t like what I’m doing (or not doing) here: Four weeks [gone by] and I haven’t gotten to work on my Spanish. The only thing I’ve been doing is writing (not very good writing), taking photographs, spending money, and gathering experiences for my notebooks on expatriation.
“Make yourself think, man!” I command myself. “Saying I am glad that I have cash stashed away but I don’t see how that will help me in Brownsville any makes no damned sense.” Futility is conquered.
If I fail to get up early I lose countless opportunities to further my objectives. What can be done in a day besides tying-up loose ends and keeping [myself] organized? I could find business and work contacts in other parts of Central America (e.g. Panama) and feel good about my chances at survival down here instead of wallowing in worry bred by uncertainty. “Failure to seize the [entire] day results in lack of [momentous] progress.” -Obviously.
“I think I should just try to apply for residency after visiting Puerta Limon… Immigration issues should be handled by lawyers I think.”
Saturday, 3 May 2003. Let me get this right: The US State Department has me categorized as a “pedophile-psychopath-schizophrenic-rapist-alcoholic.” Is that what they say?
Nervous Breakdown. “For a new pair of blue jeans and the American Flag I’ll put my money on us expats. After all I have leche pus pouring from my toes. So much for payback if I ain’t dianetic.” Mental paralysis ensues.
Monday, 5 May 2003. Cinco de Mayo. I have been in San Jose for just over a week now and nothing is moving in my favor. By now I had expected to have visited Puerta Limon and Panama City. I have done neither. I haven’t even gotten my room here organized, film for my camera, [or] soap for my showers. [I mean] considering little things like [acquiring] a towel to dry off with and [some] toilet paper would be of tremendous help.
How unconnected a thought [is this]?: “What would make this week a success is a visit to the boatyards of Puntarenas and Puerta Limon to get a sense of what I can expect in the winter of 2004 when ‘Vera Essie’ is fitted-out. Chances are good that I will make residency in the Bay Islands of Honduras as opposed to Costa Rica.”