Tuesday, 13 May 2003. “High Ass-Pucker” positions and triggering stressors make for a lousy life term: “You’re a Supreme Court Justice, remember?” I take account of the damage done and I come through it like some Boston male version of Diana Ross: “Remember, you’re a Supreme!”
And how could the F.B.I. make use of the fact that I didn’t learn to wipe my ass correctly until I went to a top-[tier] university: “Is he toilet trained?” I took that high ass-pucker pose down a notch where I could wipe my ass sitting down. “No, but [we thought] he was getting too old to do it standing up.” How old is too old? Thirty-four! (In my case, probably forty [due to] Richard Pryor service.)
And, so, now I take stock of the violence done to my life with the recent five years being the most horrible:
“I have lost everything I held hope out for / I have lost everything over some lousy whore / Nothing makes me happy except to sing the Blues / And when that’s over I can’t blame you / Because I’m a failure (chorus) A miserable failure who could never have you / You’re better off with Tico Pedro / Thought you’d do better with Gringo Joe.” – Roses are Red & Violets are Blue
What’s the Spanish word for HACKNEYED?
“I was completely devastated: I felt empty, utterly abandoned. I could turn to neither family nor friend. So, in consequence, I formed a terrorist cell and used Bill Clinton as my role-model. ‘Remember, you’re a Supremacist!’” (Wasn’t that Hillarious?)
I lost my calculator yesterday. I overpaid by at least two-hundred dollars on this “expedition”. I have sustained untold damage to [my] self and to my property.
What’s more? “Try to focus on the positive.”
I wanted to talk seriously about being Napoleon. That song and the above quote makes everything seem so goddamned trivial. “I am in some serious emotional pain – mental anguish.” I cannot express it without breaking down, so I try to make a big joke out of it. (It wasn’t funny [at the time] though it may have made some U.S. Government [personnel] laugh out loud.) Nothing can be funny about losing your family and your identity and your personality in the [timespan] of five years. And, when all is said and done, I may very well have lost health, too. “Then again, focus on the negative.”
*Priesthood. I am resigned to my fate. I have made myself accept a future without any friends, without a family, without any human emotional supports whatsoever. I consider myself the sole survivor of a family of experimental monkeys decimated through years of U.S. Government biological, chemical and radiological testing.
“I guess my immune system held out the longest. I am alone now. And it is necessary for me to always remain alone for reasons I have already disclosed in numerous journals: It isn’t [just] an issue of survival [but] an issue of [both] survival and defeating America’s beast system.”
What are the implications of [the above] quote?: Everything I write can be construed as a blueprint for terrorist action.
Back to the point.
“I have mentally prepared myself for life alone. I hold no hope out for having a family of my own: No home, no car, no wife, no children, no successful ‘lofty and high position in the legal profession’ kind of career. The only certainty in my future is suffering: Tribulation…”
And Gold Coinage: “When the United States government blackmails a person, somebody, anybody, back into the Great Whore Church of America, it is akin to finding a lost gold coin. All the federal law enforcement agents throw a huge, tremendous, gigantic party because permanent leverage and guilt tripping over your whole entire life is set forever and for all time. You develop a fear of GOD-U.S.S.S. and that book you failed to return over ten years ago will come back to haunt you when the F.B.I. confiscates everything that once gave you an identity.
“’Hey, don’t blame us. It was the Will of GOD-U.S.S.S. and his prophet, John Douglas.’ Scrub that house clean until you find that perfect triggering stressor, that high ass-pucker pose, that day witch will live in infamy, for that is your gold coin. ‘Trinidad and Tobago? – I’m Born Again, already!’
Okay? “For the men with the fewest Sins are the most guilty. The men who are the most blameless are quickest to accept blame. The word ‘Psycho’ will never offend a real psychopath.”
[Reaction:] “Oh, yeah? How about, ‘MLK Public Library!”